World is feminist

Disclaimer: I am fully aware that most of the readers (if I have any) are of the female variety of Homo-sapiens. I have an idea of the amount of “posterior-kicking” I’m going to get. I know many people will get offended, most will curse (I encourage) and some will just ignore calling me ill-informed brat. Anyway I had to vent my feelings somehow.

So, I was travelling back from office in a bus with a friend and let me add that the day was women’s day. Sorry, God forgive me it was ‘International’ women’s day. She was going off about all the things that happened in office. First, a flower wishing happy women’s day, then another flower at the desk, then countless mails, and then cakes, and then I stopped paying attention. I started thinking about it and realised how unfair the world has been to us guys. It really hurts you know!! So bear with me while I whine like a girl- about girls. Like a true girl, tee-hee.

Let’s start with the ‘International’ women’s day. There were a couple of mails before the auspicious day that requested women to come in traditional outfit. I repeat… couple of mails… more than one!

So the next day I went expectantly, but nothing ‘traditional’ in sight. I enter the lift. There she was, a sweet lady, a generous lady I’d rather say, with neck line running so deep that when she moved forward to get out of the lift, with proper lighting I could’ve seen her… uh.. What is it called?… belly button. I was disturbed the whole day and I saw only one lady with sari (who was way more generous than others). It’s not their fault really you know, the mail never said what tradition to follow.

Well, that’s okay, I don’t have any complains about their liberality *wink wink*. My complaint is that we don’t have a day. Forget “International”, we don’t even get a “Local Men’s day”. Damn it, we don’t even have “Men’s half-day”. While mother’s day is very popular, with even TV channels and newspapers wishing all the mothers, Father’s day is reminded to us by some odd posts on Facebook.

Next, the clothing that affected me that day. You have myriad of dress varieties. All we have is shirt-pant or jeans-Tee. Okay, there are maybe others like sherwani or suits but I’m talking about normal, everyday, comfy dresses. There’s also lack of designs. We just can’t wear those bright shades, beautiful flowers, chirpy birds, rainbows or anything with more than 3 colours within a square-foot. And the worst part is… you girls can wear all that we can! And vice-versa looks terrible, I’ve tried.

Even divorce is in women’s favour (Kim Kadarshian?). In a divorce the woman gets half of his money, aaand ALL the kids. All the guy is left with is the half-property (bad-half), a broken, miserable life, no kids and still have to pay for their education. Does this apply to Indians too or am I too influenced by the western life. Anyway, I know men will agree.

JEE application was 1000 when I bought it, and it was 500 for girls and the disabled. Come on girls, how dare they associate you with the disabled. Same is for Anna University applications. GATE exam fee is Rs.1200 for men and guess what for girls? That’s right. One big Diddly Squat. But there is no such thing as free meals sir. A guy is essentially paying for a girl. I don’t know about other fees but you get my point.

Men die no care. “Gundu vedippil irandu kuzhanthaigal matrum moondru pengal utpada iruvathu per bali” (“twenty people died in the bomb blast including 2 children and 3 women”). I’m sure the other 15 casualties were a bunch of street dogs that sniffed their way into doom.

Women get special seats in buses and special car in trains. Now again it hurts me how we are likening our female counterparts with physically disabled who also get special seats and special cars in train. And if they exhaust their seats they are always welcome to come and occupy our seats. It’s not like we are going to complain or give them dirty looks, calling them insensitive, impolite or anything. I have been asked to get up from ladies’ seat plenty of times by women who, after two minutes, would get down at the next stop. It’s always right to stand up for your right (to sit down), right? Men would ever ask a woman to get up from men’s seat. Bunch of sissies!

I’ll personally give up my seat any time, not because of their gender, I just like standing in bus. Because, well, standing is good for health. Yes, it’s selfish but you see, people who sit more than 6 hours a day have increased risk of heart attack (even if you work out). It’s all part of my evil plan when I let them sit *Muhuhahaha*. But I won’t tell them this. Then they’ll all be standing and nobody sitting. Last thing I want is an old fat woman yelling at me “Sit down! This is women’s standing spot”.

Nobody gives a lift to a stranded man. No need for explanation. He probably deserved it.
You feel bad, dress up, go out and bask in the attention you are getting. I feel low, it’s better to curl up in the corner of the room than going out and getting swallowed by depression. The only girl that gives me attention is our street dog. But she only loves me for my biscuits. I think she’s cheating on me with the neighbour. Like chandler says “It hurts me, it physically hurts me”.
Say hello to a girl, she claims that so-so guy was teasing her and BAM, he’s behind the bars. No proof needed. If I complain even with a photo of a girl stalking me, they’ll go “Awww! Isn’t it cute. She honestly loves you man!” The rules are very, VERY lenient. Today, if she hates some guy for whatever reason, he stole her lollipop in LKG, didn’t say hi back etc etc… she can even kill him and claim that he was harassing her. No questions asked. We think sexism is discrimination against women, but believe it or not, it does mean the other way around too. Really!!
I think God designed the world to pamper His dear ladies. He even created the first man to prepare the place for her majesty’s arrival.

Please be thankful and stop complaining. World is a good place for everyone. It’s sad to see the increasing misandry in our country. Just because some men go bad doesn’t mean they all are. Men truly respect women. No woman wrote a song for another woman. When a girl complements another girl she’s secretly jealous or wants a complement back but when a guy complements he really means it. It’s rightly said that only a man can truly appreciate a woman and love her more than anything else.

I’m sure the people behind women’s day celebration in cognizant were men. They are like that. They don’t look for appreciation, they just give. They don’t expect special treatment; they like making others feel special. I say ‘they’ not ‘we’ because I consider myself just a boy when compared to those gentlemen. My dad still refuses to buy a new shirt while my mom’s collection is having an exponential growth even though she can wear a new saree for each day of the year. I guess that kind of ‘Man’ness is still a long way for me to go. Isn’t it funny how ‘Man’ness sounds like Manners?

Okay, the history of women may have been a nightmare. Some problems still exist and men are not the cause, at least not the only cause.

Yes, the world is not fair to women. I’m sorry it does not give equal rights to you, because it gives more than that.

Yes, it is man-dominated society, but the men are feminists.
Finally, before I go into hiding, I would like to end this by quoting Eminem’s dialog
“I’m just playing ladies, you know I love you”

 P.S- I just found out that there really IS an “International Men’s Day”. But hey! Who knew? On a related note, there also is an “International Monkey Day”. But hey! Who knew?P.P.S- No, I’m not gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. I’m not misogynist either (refer to the Eminem reference)P.P.P.S- I wrote this post to make women feel good but somehow I unwittingly filled it with sarcasm. My bad! I whine a lot, I know. I could’ve written 10 more pages but it’s 1 in the morning already. Be glad that I stopped at this length. If you agree to even one point I’m a win.