Cricket Curse

I have a confession to make: I don’t like Cricket. I don’t know why. I never did. It’s really hard being a non-cricket-lover, you know? Whenever I tell someone I’m not into Cricket they just attempt the pop-the-eyes-out feat and stare at me as if I’m a terrorist and ask “Are you really an Indian?” I don’t mind though. I’m so used to this treatment that I can mouth sync with them as they ask me this question.

A couple of months back when I was in Chennai for work a guy asked me if one of the T20 matches with India is going to be held in Kolkata (where I work ). When I said I don’t watch cricket and hence don’t know, he asked without hesitation, “Really? What do you do then?”

“Actually dude, I’m much more interested in watching my life falling apart, thank you very much!” I wanted to say. How am I supposed to even answer someone who thinks that one can’t have a life during World Cup? But it’s all fine and dandy, because-

I have another confession to make: If I somehow get to watch India playing, they start to lose.

I found this during 2003 World Cup. India was about to lose the semi-finals and even though I wasn’t watching with interest it was the only thing running on our TV. I went to sleep thinking it’s not worth staying up for and when I woke up I heard India had won. Then came the final match with Australia which I watched to try and gain interest in cricket. India lost, and that’s when I realized maybe India won in semi-finals because I stopped watching. My college friends found the connection through the striking coincidences which my presence caused, and during 2011 World Cup my roommates locked me in the apartment and took the TV to the terrace to watch the final match. I didn’t mind at all and co-operated like a proper hostage, and when they understood that India’s winning chances were too large I was let out to watch that last phenomenal sixer. I also was the reason for India losing the World Cup last year, but everyone was blaming Anushka Sharma. Let me do the flashback thingy and recount what really happened that day.

*Flashback Thingy*

I stroll into the office cafeteria one fine afternoon. I find that a match is going on and everyone’s face is turned towards the LCD TV like sunflowers facing the sun. I go buy Biriyani and look for my friends. They wave at me from a hard to reach spot. The entire cafeteria is overflowing with people and I push my way towards my folks and crouch between two slabs to reach the place where we can only eat standing.

“Nice place you guys chose.” I say, “Others won’t come in here so easily. BTW what match is it that everyone’s so keenly watching?”

“Dude!? It’s the semi-finals. India vs Australia. If we win we’ll get into the final.” one of my friends reply so that the concept goes through my thick skull.

“Oops. India? I shouldn’t watch it then. India loses whenever I watch.” I’m done punctuating the sentence and a wicket falls. Everyone turns to look at me in disbelief.

“What the hell man? Why did you do that?” one of them asks me as if I had taken the wicket. It’s like I shot down our own people in a war, and there’s no way to turn off friendly fire.

“I’m sorry” I say feeling guilty, “I’ll just eat without looking at the TV”

I proceed to hastily stuff my mouth with Biriyani trying to only concentrate on the food. About five  minutes in and I can’t take it anymore. Could it be true that I have some kind of curse? How can my watching the match affect their performance? I wonder and being a true believer in Science’s test-and-verify methodology I steal a glance at the TV without my friends noticing. Kohli strikes a fantastic shot towards the sky.

Six! See It’s not a curse. I’m just imagining it. I feel relieved finally and happy. Remember one of those romantic scenes where hero and heroine run towards each other across a rose farm and fall into each other’s arms? The ball slides smoothly into a fielder’s palms just like that. Oopsi daisy, I think and stare back at my food. My teammates become wary of my presence and say, “Man, your presence near the TV is dangerous for India. Please eat quick.”

“I know I know I’m trying!” I plead and gobble rest of the food. I crouch out of the place, wash my hands and leave. Reaching the exit door of the cafeteria I look back to wave a ‘bye’ to my friends, and the whole hall roars “OHH!!!”

Another man down. Oh come on! I throw up my hands and storm out.

*Flashforward Thingy*

Why am I writing this now so long after that match? One, because had I written it back then I’d have been assassinated. Two, because of what happened recently during T20 World Cup.

*Flashback Thingy*

I was lost in watching anime on my mobile as my roommate was watching a match on the TV. I heard the words “… third umpire…” and I looked up curiously. I like how third umpire makes decisions, by making the batsman dance back and forth on the screen. As I looked up the umpire declared “OUT” in bold letters. No way! Don’t tell me it’s India playing, I stared and sure enough it was Yuvraj Singh who got out. It was India vs New Zealand.

I left to have dinner and there too was another TV blaring cricket commentary. In our team’s WhatsApp group one guy asked “Bhags are you watching the match?” and another one replied “Why? What happened?” The first guy responded “Wickets are falling like rain!”

You guys know me so well, I wiped a joyful tear and replied “Guys I came to have dinner. I’m not even watching the match but it’s running on the TV. I can’t stop myself from hearing.” They warned me not to look at the TV, and I didn’t. For some time. Curiosity got the best of me again and I scanned the general direction of TV. Wickets started to fall again. By the time I got up from the dinner table I had devoured the rest of Indian team for dessert. Dhoni blamed the batsmen for not taking the game seriously.

*Flashforward Thingy*

You see my plight? I cannot support my own country even if I wanted to. So now whenever someone asks me why I don’t watch Cricket I have a better answer than saying “I have better things to do… like watching Teletubbies and Chota Bheem.”

This is a superpower I didn’t ask for. I wish I could trade it for some other power. But as a fellow superhero said- “With great power comes great irresponsibility.”

Deadpool said that, if you’re wondering. So now I’m looking forward to monetize this power but I’m afraid I won’t get many takers in my country and there goes my plans for supporting “Make In India”. If you know some foreign clients who will pay me good amount let me know. Bitcoins accepted ;)

Disclaimer: The superpower only works on live telecast. Duh!

Captain America: Civil War- Movie Review

So I watched the civil war movie last weekend. What a film! So much action and violence yet so much to be learnt from the great personalities. You know, like Lincoln, Jefferson and so on.

What? Not the American civil war, but Captain America Civil War? Oh poop, let’s start again.

*rewind*

So I watched the Civil War movie last weekend. What a film! So much action and violence yet so much to be learnt from the great personalities. You know, like Captain America, Iron-man, Scarlet Witch, Black Widow. Ok, the names sound weird in that context, but trust me the movie is great.

The plot follows the events of the last Marvel movie Avengers 2. No wait, it was Ant-Man. Actually it may be important that you watch all Marvel movies released so far (except Guardians of the Galaxy) to make full sense of this movie and appreciate the character development being done here. Or you can read their plot summaries in Wikipedia like Sheldon Cooper, but where’s the fun in that? The seeds for this Civil War had been sown in many of the earlier movies, and I’m glad it turned out good enough.

In addition to most of the Avengers cast, there’s Ant-man included, and two refreshing new entries- Black Panther and Spider-Man (come on it’s not a spoiler; they showed them in the trailers!). Ant-man needs no introduction since we had his origin story last year only.

Black Panther’s entry in the Marvel cinematic universe was a tad too late. He’s actually the first ‘black’ super hero in the American comics, but unfortunately for him Falcon showed up early in the Marvel movies and the erstwhile white Nick Fury swapped skin with Michael Jackson and became black for the movies. I liked how much you can empathise with this character in the small time he’s onscreen even if you’re not familiar with him (as there isn’t a standalone movie yet). Black Panther’s costume is remarkable as it stayed true to the comic book design AND looked super cool in the movie.

Those paying attention to this space would know that I’m a huge Spider-Man fan, so I was apprehensive of this reboot of Spider-Man yet again. But boy, did I love this friendly neighborhood web slinging potato head, or what? Not only staying true to the comic book costume design (I didn’t mind the scaly reptilian texture of the previous movies either), the character was actually a teenager this time, was actually funny wise cracker during fights, and preserved the shy nerdy persona of Peter Parker when not in the costume. Only thing that bothered me was this line he said (I don’t consider this a spoiler but an Easter-egg since most people won’t notice its significance) -

“If you can do what I do but you don’t do it, and someone gets hurt… it’s your fault”

Sounds to me like a really convoluted beating- around-the-bush way of saying “with great powers comes great responsibility”. What happened Marvel, didn’t get back the copyright for this trademark Spidey quote?

Of course Captain America and Iron-man are the main players, the leaders, because one is called ‘Captain’ (also the movie is in his name) and Iron-man has lot of money. Despite this we never feel that any character was given a small role. The hardest task in writing the story for such a movie is that all characters need to be given equal importance, lest they feel neglected. (Are you listening, writers of Batman V Superman? You had two heroes. Two!). Everyone has good memorable scenes and have their own reason to be in the fight as well. Regarding the fight… wondering why the hell all the good guys turn on each other? Why should they fight their own friends? Half the movie is dedicated to slowly building up the discord and tension between the factions and it’s done brilliantly. Before the movie I thought whatever reason they gave won’t be satisfactory, but I was impressed. This movie proves that people don’t get bored when there’s too much talking, and also mind numbing action (read Avengers 2) isn’t necessarily the best way to build up a plot. Some gurus who have attained Nirvana might say “Why fight their own friends? Any problems they had could be solved by talking it out. Like Batman and Superman did”. Well, what do you expect from a bunch of grown kids who joke even while fighting? I’m kidding; most of the fights are pretty intense. This might be the most mature story in the Marvel Universe yet.

With such a huge cast this movie should’ve been called Avengers 3, right? Maybe they realized that the ‘Avengers’ brand name has much bigger expectations than ‘Captain America’ brand, and from the lukewarm reception of Avengers 2 we know that satisfying such sky high standards of the former is harder than meeting the expectations for the latter.

But wait, there has to be negative points too right? Nothing can be truly perfect. Several stunt scenes look like they were lazily done with old time camera tricks.  The biggest negative, however, in my opinion would be the underwhelming CGI. Many scenes look poorly done. I was surprised when I first found out that RDJ doesn’t actually wear the Iron-man armor during filming but it’s added later. In this movie you don’t have to be told that information. Marvel, please find that guy causing the bad effects and take a reverse-KT to see if he knows anything at all.

If you can adjust with that minor distraction the movie is actually pretty good. It successfully uses events, elements and character chemistry from previous movies and builds on it admirably to usher in a new era in the Marvel cinematic universe- Phase Three. A must watch movie for any Marvel fan.

P.S: Elizabeth Olsen though <3