Child's Play (Part II)

(The two babies Bob and Alan and their dog Jamie are having a conversation about the most complex subject know to mankind- Love)

(-continues after Part I-)

BOB(breathes out)- okay. So she tells she likes this Bonding guy. And I was shocked because I know her for so long. I practically have dibs on her, don’t I?

ALAN-yeah!

JAMIE-whoa wait! What’s that? Dibs ? dubs? Tubs?

ALAN- Dibs. It means you declare it yours. For example when I call dibs on the sandwich you can’t have it Jamie, which you often do.

JAMIE- Oh! And how to do call dibs on something?

ALAN- by saying “dibs” of course.

JAMIE- Oh that’s funny! Just saying dibs won’t make it known to the whole world, now would it?

ALAN- How can we do it then?

JAMIE- Its simple! Do you know how we dogs call dibs on something?

ALAN- no

JAMIE- By peeing on it! That way any other dogs coming near that thing will know that the object is taken.

BOB- Eeew!

ALAN- Hahaha. Now imagine Bob peeing on Jasmine to make her his. Now that would be a sight. It would be such an easy world. You want something? PEE ON IT!

(Alan & Jamie fall down laughing again)

BOB- Not funny dude, not funny.

ALAN(sniffing)- Sorry Bob. Couldn’t help it. Imagine a world like that where we pee to own something. And since we, babies, always have so much in stock we could practically own everything we lay eye on.

(Jamie continues laughing)

ALAN- And dogs too. Dogs pee all the time. Hey Jamie, is that how you had that Lily? That street dog from the next block.

(Jamie goes silent all of a sudden)

BOB- What happened?

JAMIE- Nothing! Just don’t talk about her. She’s a bitch.

ALAN- Of course she’s a bitch.

JAMIE- You knew?

ALAN- Duh? Female dog is called bitch. Wait! She’s a bitch right? You didn’t go after her thinking she’s a pony or something, right?

BOB- I don’t think that’s was Jamie means. You need to grow up Alan.

ALAN- Come on don’t give the same crap. You are 2 months older than me and Jamie is just a year older.

JAMIE- You are one and I’m two. I’m twice your age buddy.

ALAN- Still you are just a year older.

JAMIE- Alright, I was being generous on you buddy. Not any more. Do you know what a “dog year” is?

ALAN- What is that?

JAMIE- Dogs mature way more quickly than you humans do. So physically I’m grown like a 24 year old human. In that case I’m as old as your mom. But I still call her mom.

ALAN- Oh god! You’re really that old?

JAMIE- Yup. But don’t worry I have a child’s heart. (Jamie sticks out his tongue and makes that face again)

ALAN-oh..kay! So what happened to that Lily? Your bitch.

JAMIE- I don’t want to talk about it buddy.

BOB- Oh c’mon Jimmy!

JAMIE- I-am-not  Jim…! Fine. I’ll tell you. You know how I loved her. I went out just to meet her. I snuck lots of Pedigree snack out of the house to give her. I thought she’s the one. Although dogs are not practically monogamous, I still believed she’s the one for me. And then, when I went out today to meet her. (He stops)

BOB- What happened?

JAMIE- She was with that hound from that rich house down the lane. You won’t believe what they were doing. They were… they were… (Stops again)

(Bob shuts Alan’s ears considerately, who pulls away protesting)

BOB- Let me guess… Doggy style?

JAMIE- They were sniffing each other! Can you believe that?

BOB- That’s it? How’s that bad?

JAMIE- Of course you won’t understand it. It’s a dog thing. Sniffing is a sign of deep affection. If she lets you sniff her, without protest, she trusts you. She told me I’m her only ‘sniffer’. That was so special for me. But now she let that son-of-a-bitch sniff her. She didn’t even have a name for god’s sake! I named her Lily.

ALAN- Whoa, wait a sec. You called him a son-of-a-

JAMIE-No don’t say it

ALAN-Why?

JAMIE-It’s offensive to call someone that, okay?

ALAN- Really? How is that offensive? He's a dog.

JAMIE- You do realize that you are asking a sad dog the details of English, right?

BOB- Poor Jamie..

JAMIE- At last my real name. Phew!! Thanks anyway.

BOB- I can understand dude. Just like you lost your love, I lost mine. Heart breaks at such young age. James, that son-of-a-woman!

JAMIE- Uh... You can’t just say... never mind. Hey you never completed your story with jasmine. What happened after she declared her relationship with Bones Jond.

BOB-James Bond. Uh... nothing happened after that.

JAMIE- Oh no, you don’t get away like that. I smell something funny.

ALAN-yeah I smell something funny too. What happened?

BOB- Well… I didn’t know how to convince her… so in a desperate attempt at impressing, I kissed her.

ALAN- Whoa!!

JAMIE- I never understood kissing. I mean, it tastes better when u lick.

BOB- I wish I didn’t do that. Because, she started crying for her mom. I got so scared 

my stomach lurched.

ALAN- Hahaha! You got yourself in a deep shit.

BOB- Yeah literally...

ALAN- What?

BOB- Like I said... my stomach lurched... and I...

JAMIE (Starts laughing)- you pooped in your diapers!!

(Alan falls down laughing, yet again)

JAMIE- I knew I smelled something funny. Never try to deceive a dog. We don’t have 

to poke our nose in someone’s personal matters but we can still smell when things go shitty. 

ALAN- So you haven’t changed your diaper yet?

BOB- No, it’s embarrassing. I’ll signal mom when I get home.

ALAN-So you are basically pulling off your heroic feat of ‘sit on shit’.

JAMIE-Oh Bob please tell me you said ‘oh crap!’

(Alan and Jamie laugh again)

BOB- Shut up Jam!

JAMIE (snorting) - I don’t mind, call me anything. You’ve been through a lot, poor boy.

ALAN- So two break-ups in a single day. I guess I’m the only one with my pumping organ intact, and by that I meant the heart.

BOB- Don’t ever fall in love dude.

JAMIE-I second that!

ALAN- Come on guys, stop whining! Okay let’s make a pact. We will never fall for the woman-kind.

JAMIE- and bitch-kind. Really, those are the worst kind.

BOB- Hmm hmm. Love isn’t a child’s play. We will always stay bachelors!

JAMIE(shouts)- To Bachelorhood!

ALAN(shouts)- yeah Childhood!

BOB(thinks of something to rhyme)- Robinhood!!

Just then their moms come in with another lady. There’s a baby sitting on her hip.

MOM- and there’s my kid Alan playing with Bob. Gosh, they make so much noise together. And that’s Jamie, our dog.

LADY- you allow your dog near your kid? I would never.

MOM- yeah there’s no problem. In fact I’ve read that such kids have lesser allergies when they grow up. So when are you moving in your stuffs in that apartment next door? 

(They move out talking.)

BOB (whispers) - Dude you got a girl moving in next door?

ALAN- I don’t know! Is that a girl?

JAMIE- From that pony tail of the baby, I would say Yes!

Bob & Alan (at once) - DIBS!!

JAMIE- Ask her if her dog is a girl.

(The baby girl turns around to look at the two babies discussing something under their breaths. She shakes her head, smiles mischievously and whispers “Boys”.)

(-The End-)